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My cookie, ‘tis of thee

Published on June 29, 2017 11:47AM


The Fourth of July means party time in Lincoln City’s Taft District, where the lure of a family day at the beach capped with a stunning fireworks display brings visitors in their thousands to the shores of Siletz Bay.

And right in the thick of the action, you will find Captain Dan’s Pirate Pastry Shop, a safe harbor for all travelers in search of a warm welcome, sweet treats or a restorative cup of coffee.

As Kathy Draper works her magic in the kitchen, husband Dan greets customers dressed in a pirate tricorne, with his trusty cutlass never far from hand.

And so it is to this brave buccaneer that we turn for the latest in our “Ask a Pirate” series, dealing with three topics at the heart of a good Fourth of July — flags, fireworks and beach fires.

 

Dear Cap’n Dan,

We are planning a road trip to the coast for the Fourth of July and are torn between flying the Stars and Stripes and the Jolly Roger. Which one should we fly and why?

Yours sincerely,

Ten Riding In Prius

 

Dear TRIP,

I’d fly the Old Jolly Glory — a big smiley face with 13 stripes and 50 stars. But if you get pulled over by highway patrol, prepare for an active frisking.

 

Dear Cap’n Dan,

I’m very proud of my US flag and follow Flag Code to the letter. Do pirates do the same for the Jolly Roger?

Yours sincerely,

Gotta Love Our Righteous Yore

 

Dear GLORY,

There’s only one rule and that’s that there’s no rules at all. Apart from it has to be your own flag. Each pirate has their own flag that symbolizes their own particular brand of terror and debauchery. The Jolly Roger just means it’s time to meet at the pub.

 

Dear Cap’n Dan,

I’m studying the US flag for a class project. Can you tell me why it has so many stars on it?

Yours sincerely,

Could Research, Except Didn’t Invest Time

 

Dear CREDIT,

Who knows? Probably because 18th Century seamstresses couldn’t sew skulls.

But seriously, we have 50 stars to represent the 50 states. That’s why we have to re-design the flag every time a new state gets added to the union. I think that after the last star, we should have tiny writing that says “to be continued…”

We have to keep on adding states so that one day Mississippi will have the chance to not come last in something.

 

Dear Cap’n Dan,

I see a lot of pirate flags around these days. Are you worried that the Jolly Roger is too gory and does it need a makeover?

Yours sincerely,

Piracy Really Is Scary Sometimes

 

Dear PRISS,

Is your leftover chicken too gory? Does your leftover chicken need a makeover? I say leave it as it is.

The only change I’d make is some dental work. Pirates shouldn’t have good teeth. The Jolly Roger is like the poster child for dental health. Add a few gold teeth in there, then people can charge more for the flags, too.

 

Dear Cap’n Dan,

I’ve always loved fireworks and am planning a visit for the Fourth of July display in Taft. Are fireworks a big deal in the pirate world and how does it compare to firing a cannon?

Yours sincerely,

Finally Using Safety Equipment

 

Dear FUSE,

Pirates love fireworks. Whenever we are cold, a fire works.

They’re every bit as much fun as cannons. Pirates love to blow things up, whatever the cause, or for no cause, or just because.

 

Dear Cap’n Dan,

My labradoodle is of a nervous disposition. How can I keep him from getting upset by the fireworks?

Yours sincerely,

Went On Our Floor

 

Dear WOOF,

Search me. Quaaludes? No, on second thoughts, don’t search me for Quaaludes.

Earbuds playing soothing doggy music? Shiatzu?

If those don’t work, trade in the labradoodle and get a puppy from a puppy mill that’s near a fireworks factory.

 

Dear Cap’n Dan,

I’m very partial to a good s’more on July 4. Do you have any recommendations for other great beach treats?

Yours sincerely,

Someone Who Eats Everything ‘Till I Explode

Dear SWEETIE,

Rum. Rum works really well. S’mores and rum. It will make you want s’more rum.

Besides that, make sure and bring plenty of Shipwreck Turnovers. It’s probably the only baked good on the seven seas that combines apples, cream cheese and caramel with the sweet bounty of BACON. Everyone should get wrecked on the Fourth of July.

 

Captain Dan’s Pirate Pastry Shop is located at 5070 SE Hwy. 101 in the Taft district of Lincoln City. Opening hours are from 8:30 am to 3 pm every day except Tuesday. To reach them, call 541-996-4600.



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